Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
