Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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