Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
