i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
