I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
