I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
