Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize