oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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