Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
