The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize