we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
