Please, let me fuck your mom
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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