I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
