just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize