Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
