sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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