My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
