The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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