Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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