That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
