I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize