Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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