It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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