That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
