just tell him i said nine months
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Randomize
