Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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