So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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