break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
