i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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