Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
