Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He better not be in your backpack
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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