what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
