i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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