he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
even my farts smell like vagina
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize