And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize