The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
