All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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