I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
