I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
