ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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