Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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