This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
