I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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