areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
