): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
