May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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