Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
