all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pants are for mortals
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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