my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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