Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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