PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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