i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
