I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
