and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
