i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My vagina just clenched in fear
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
