captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
