I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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