We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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