I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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