i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
