why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
