Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
