I have demons in me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
