You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You need a sexual gate keeper
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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